


'Tis the Season

by lucidscreamer



Series: Epilogue: YGO Post-Canon Series [13]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Christmas, Christmas Cookies, Christmas Movies, Christmas Tree, Gen, Humor, Rants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28062426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucidscreamer/pseuds/lucidscreamer
Summary: Some Christmas traditions are better than others. Yugi could really do without this one.AKA The one where Joey has a lot to say about holiday entertainment.Takes place sometime after "Life Is What You Bake of It".
Relationships: Jounouchi Katsuya | Joey Wheeler & Mutou Yuugi
Series: Epilogue: YGO Post-Canon Series [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/4318
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	'Tis the Season

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! is the creation of Kazuki Takahashi. No ownership of the canon characters, settings, or events is claimed and none should be implied.
> 
> Prompts:  
> 30\. Christmas (100 YGO Themes)  
> 1\. Holiday Traditions (12 Days of Christmas)  
> And the first line of dialogue is from a prompt adopted from the NaNo forums.

"You know, Frosty the Snowman might be a serial killer. He goes on an 'icicle spree' and runs into town with a broomstick in his hand." Joey lobbed this observation into the conversation (which, up to this point, had been about the newest Duel Monsters expansion) without warning, as was his wont.

Accustomed to Joey's habit of dropping the conversational equivalent of a nuke into casual discourse, Yugi took this particular bomb in stride. "Merry Christmas to you, too."

"No, but seriously." Joey poked at the shelf holding the Mutous' DVD collection, giving Yugi a clue as to where this line of thought originated. "Have you ever noticed how violent some of this stuff is?"

Yugi sighed. "Frosty aside--"

"No, no, no. It's not just dubious TV specials like Frosty the Icicle Serial Killer." Joey had pulled out a DVD case and was staring at the cover as he continued. "There's _Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer_ , an entire song about a heinous holiday hit-and-run. And frankly, I've always suspected Grandpa knew more than he was sayin'. The dude was super sketchy. Either he put out a hit on Grandma or he framed the poor reindeer to cover up his own dastardly deed."

Not this again. Joey went on the reindeer rant at least once every December. It was one holiday tradition Yugi could've done without. "I thought we agreed never to mention the Reindeer Thing on penalty of no Christmas cookies."

Joey's mouth flapped soundlessly for a moment before he flipped the case over his shoulder, ignoring the clatter as it hit the floor. "What Reindeer Thing? Also, _are_ there cookies?"

Yugi shook his head. "Yami hasn't baked them yet."

"Bummer."

On this, at least, they were in agreement. Yami's cookies were to die for. "We could take our minds off unmentionable songs and our sad lack of cookies by watching a movie."

Unfortunately, Yugi's suggestion backfired as it got Joey going again. "Christmas movies are the worst offenders! 'Tis the season to be violent, apparently."

"Oh, come on--"

" _Die Hard_ is considered a Christmas movie, Yug'!"

"Well... It does take place at Christmas. And arguably the whole 'reconciliation with his wife' thing is--"

"Yippee-kai-yay," Joey said in a voice flatter than Kansas and then mimed an explosion with both hands.

"Point taken." Yugi really wished Yami was here (preferably baking cookies). "That's just one movie, though."

" _Nightmare Before Christmas_ \-- kidnapping, kids attacked by haunted toys." Joey ticked his points off on his fingers. " _Batman Returns_ \-- also kidnapping, pushing someone off a rooftop, and Penguin's... everything."

"But--"

" ** _Santa Claus Conquers the Martians_**."

"I'm not going to win this argument, am I?" Yugi sighed again and shoved himself to his feet. "Let's go buy a Christmas tree. There's nothing violent about that."

* * *

_Several hours later, back at the Mutou residence_...

"You’re sitting there waitin' for me to stitch your face back together and you're still arguin' this _isn't_ a violent time o' year?" Joey asked as he hauled the first aid kit out from under the bathroom sink.

"Butterfly bandages aren't exactly stitches, Joey," Yugi returned weakly, drooping as he perched on the closed toilet lid. His face hurt from the cut on his cheek and he figured he'd be lucky if he didn't wake up in the morning with a black eye to go with it. "And it was an _accident_."

Joey ignored the rebuttal. "I still haven't figured out how you managed _this_." He dabbed at Yugi's injured cheek with an antiseptic wipe that he'd pulled from the first aid kit. "Only you could lose a fight with a fir tree."

"It came out of nowhere!"

"How does a _tree_ 'come out of nowhere'?"

Near as Yugi had been able to piece together afterward, the tree in question had slipped out of the purchaser's hands and slammed into Yugi before anyone could get a grip on it again. Too tired to go over it, he just shrugged and let Joey plaster the side of his face with Band-Aids.

Joey frowned at the results. "Yami is gonna lose his shit when he sees this. I'll be lucky if he only kills me."

"He won't," Yugi lied. Of course Yami was going to freak out when he saw that Yugi had been hurt. He always did. "It wasn't your fault I got clobbered by a run-away Norwegian spruce."

"At least it wasn't a sketchy reindeer," Joey said, possibly in agreement. (Or possibly ramping up for another go at his annual rant. Yugi decided not to take any chances.)

"Let it go, Joey."

"Fine." Shaking his head, Joey packed up the first aid supplies and tossed the Band-Aid wrappers in the trash. "I'm just sayin'--"

"Please don't."

"Wanna go decorate that pitiful Charlie Brown tree we got stuck with?"

After his encounter with the pugilistic pine, Yugi hadn't exactly been in the mood for picking out Christmas trees and had taken the first unclaimed one they'd come across on their way out of the lot. It wasn't his fault the thing was lopsided and a bit on the thin side (probably why it was unclaimed). He shot Joey a quelling look (his face hurt too much to frown) and said, "I think I'll pass."

"Don't blame ya. You know, that Charlie Brown Christmas special is kinda depressing -- though I guess I can't really say it's _violent_."

Thank the gods for small favors. 

"Not like, say, _The Santa Clause_ ," Joey continued blithely ignoring Yugi's sour expression as they trudged into the living room. "I mean, c'mon. Santa _dies_ in that one! Wonder how many little kids were traumatized by that?"

"Joey, it's just a movie."

"You say that now. But when you get hit by the horror while diggin' in the fridge for leftovers at 2 a.m., don't say I didn't warn ya."

Yugi was taking a deep breath for the biggest sigh yet when his nose informed him of a wonderful fact: the house was starting to smell like cinnamon and vanilla. Yami was home -- and he was _baking_.

"Joey," Yugi said, projecting every bit of wheedling he possessed into his tone and his deliberately widened eyes. "If you promise not to mention anything even remotely Christmas media related for the rest of this miserable day, I'll not only protect you from Yami... I'll even let you have the first snickerdoodle."

Inhaling the cookie-scented air, Joey grinned. "Deal."

**Author's Note:**

> "Die Hard" is my favorite Christmas movie. :D


End file.
